Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Finally! Studies Prove That Spanking Doesn’t Work

Do you hit your children? If you want to raise healthy children, reading this article is a must. “A new analysis concludes that spanking fails to alter kids' behavior in the long term. What it does instead is amp up their aggression.” From “Why Spanki... Read >

Do You See The Obstacle Or The Goal?

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford What happens for you when you get a great idea about something you want to do—a new business, a creative project, a vacation and so on? If it really is a gr... Read >

Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling?

Giving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference?The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others.Giving From A Full HeartWhen we give from a full heart, we ... Read >

Who Am I?

I recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got publishe... Read >

What Will Love Give You?

Did you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?Certainly being truly loved by parents goes a long way toward supporting children in feeling safe and lo... Read >

Are you Inspiring or Gloomy?

"You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy." --Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Tel... Read >

How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings?

We have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.Another major way we av... Read >

How to Connect with Others

We are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunction... Read >

Do You Isolate?

In my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on t... Read >

Caretaking: A Covert Form of Narcissism

I used to think that caretaking was the opposite of narcissism. I thought that narcissists were people who demanded that others give themselves up to care-take the narcissist. I thought that caretakers were people who were programmed to take care of other... Read >

The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others

Helplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger f... Read >

Why Do We Seek Approval?

Many years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal - until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a p... Read >

"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..."

 How often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about meProject your behavior onto meWithdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TVResist doing wha... Read >

Are You or Your Partner Possessive?

"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much.""My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple... Read >

What to do When You Can't Communicate

What do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate?Do you:Try harder to get your point across, talking louder or faster?Get angry, shouting to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?Cry in frustrati... Read >